My best rejection letter ever!

We've all been rejected, heck, I've been rejected so many times my cat ate a whole file of rejection letters. But this is my best rejection letter ever. It's a long story short so stick with me as I tell it. 

There's a blog called Grab a Pen (or Stir your Tea). It's the funniest blog in the sphere (barring mine), and it is written by Tahereh who is a 22 year old writer with an agent (I know right!?). Any non-agented writer worth their weight in typewriter ribbon would love to stab the fleshy skin between her thumb and index finger with a mechanical pencil, but you just can't because she's living life like she's on an island of hot pink flamingo monkeys and has a permanent IV of coffee coursing through her veins. And her zest for life is infectious (in the good way), so if you haven't discovered her get your mouse over there. 

For a lark she started an on-line magazine called Querypolitan where she offers hilarious and contrarian advice about the agent query process. Well, this fake magazine became so popular in the blogosphere that she started another blog just for Querypolitan. Then she started taking submissions for articles. 

So, since you're already familiar with my love of rejection we'll pick the story up there. I sent her an article that I thought was pretty darn funny and first I received this non-automatic response, response.  

THIS IS PRETENDING TO BE AN AUTOMATED MESSAGE:

QUERYPOLITAN HAS RECEIVED YOUR SUBMISSION!

Thank you so much!

Here is a COOKIE.

also HEARTS: <3 <3 <3 <3

We will be in touch soon, PROMISE.

So, I think you're beginning to get an idea of what we're dealing with here. Then this -it's-not-you-it's-me rejection letter. 

dearest friend:

after eating an entire box of cookies and crying our deliberation into a tub of full-fat ice cream, we've come to the very difficult conclusion of being unable to accept your Querypolitan Submission at this time. please forgive us, but remember that FUNNY is such a subjective thing, and that truly, this has less to do with you than it does with US.

we hope this doesn't mean you'll stop loving us.

BECAUSE WE STILL LOVE YOU.

xoxo,

Querypolitan

Of course, it doesn't mean I'll stop loving the blog.  And I'm thinking up a whole other query just to get another rejection letter. Who doesn't like rejection now, eh!?