My best rejection letter ever!

We've all been rejected, heck, I've been rejected so many times my cat ate a whole file of rejection letters. But this is my best rejection letter ever. It's a long story short so stick with me as I tell it. 

There's a blog called Grab a Pen (or Stir your Tea). It's the funniest blog in the sphere (barring mine), and it is written by Tahereh who is a 22 year old writer with an agent (I know right!?). Any non-agented writer worth their weight in typewriter ribbon would love to stab the fleshy skin between her thumb and index finger with a mechanical pencil, but you just can't because she's living life like she's on an island of hot pink flamingo monkeys and has a permanent IV of coffee coursing through her veins. And her zest for life is infectious (in the good way), so if you haven't discovered her get your mouse over there. 

For a lark she started an on-line magazine called Querypolitan where she offers hilarious and contrarian advice about the agent query process. Well, this fake magazine became so popular in the blogosphere that she started another blog just for Querypolitan. Then she started taking submissions for articles. 

So, since you're already familiar with my love of rejection we'll pick the story up there. I sent her an article that I thought was pretty darn funny and first I received this non-automatic response, response.  

Thank you so much!
Here is a COOKIE.
also HEARTS: <3 <3 <3 <3

We will be in touch soon, PROMISE.

So, I think you're beginning to get an idea of what we're dealing with here. Then this -it's-not-you-it's-me rejection letter. 

dearest friend:

after eating an entire box of cookies and crying our deliberation into a tub of full-fat ice cream, we've come to the very difficult conclusion of being unable to accept your Querypolitan Submission at this time. please forgive us, but remember that FUNNY is such a subjective thing, and that truly, this has less to do with you than it does with US.

we hope this doesn't mean you'll stop loving us.




Of course, it doesn't mean I'll stop loving the blog.  And I'm thinking up a whole other query just to get another rejection letter. Who doesn't like rejection now, eh!? 


Diane Girard said…
Me, me, me. I still hate rejection no matter how the news arrives - letter, note, post-it, email, or horse and buggy but at least that one aimed for humour. Good luck next time!
Jan Markley said…
So true Diane - it still stings even though it's funny!
Dawn Ius said…
I'm a huge fan of the amazing Tahereh and both of her blogs. Congrats on your rejection :-) (Maybe one of the only times a congrats is in order.)
Jan Markley said…
Yes, Dawn, she's hilarious and very creative!
Anne R. Allen said…
Oh, I feel for you Jan. Somehow it's worse when you get rejected by somebody you've supported. And like. I like her too. I RT her post announcements and tell everybody who will listen that they MUST read her.

And I've thought of submitting. But now I think I won't. I'm not 22. No coffee IV going. My humor is drier. Probably a "bad fit" as agents are wont to say. I wonder if she'll find much that does fit. It may be pretty impossible for mere mortals to imitate her gonzette style.
Jan Markley said…
Anne, dry is good! Yes, she is a truly unique writer!
Anonymous said…
Well now I must check her out. Darn you, Jan! I have enough distractions.

The only thing worse than a rejection letter is no response what-so-ever. I'm not a fan of limbo. I'd rather check something off and move on.
Jan Markley said…
this is a good distraction accidentalnovelist!

I'm with you on rejection letters, submission limbo is nowhere to be!
Angie said…
That is a truly great rejection letter. It's nice when they can actually make you laugh.
Jan Markley said…
Angie: it's certainly the funniest rejection letter I've ever received!