Top 12 Tips for Sasquatching yourself
Here are some things I learnt this weekend about successful sasquatching. You have already learnt the #1 rule of being a Sasquatch writer - cultivated a cranky personality so no one extends any social invites to you – eschew all human contact. Everything else is all in the preparation and the execution.
2. Pay your heating bill – an unheated Sasquatch writing cave is harsh;
3. Stop shaving your legs, because even if you pay the heating bill, you might need a little extra furry warmth, for men – re-schedule your back waxing appointment;
4. Wear warm socks and extra fuzzy slippers – a writer with cold feet is a distracted writer;
5. Have your favourite sweat pants and giant sweat shirt freshly washed (we’re not mythical beasts ya know) and wear them for maximum comfort;
6. Have a cat sit beside your keyboard and chew on your knuckles because writers need to suffer for their art;
7. Have a back yard to your cave so you can kick said cat out of the house when it’s too annoying;
8. Have an ample supply of milk, tea, and honey on hand to make those endless cups of chai tea that fuel your creativity and keep you awake;
9. Observe the earth’s rotation with interest ('oh, the sun is up' 'oh, the moon is up') but don’t let the passage of time stray you from your goal (except get a good night’s sleep);
10. Give yourself a carrot (to go with your stick – or in the case of a real Sasquatch a deer carcass) and reward yourself with it – be it chocolate, sour ju jubes, reading time, episodes of Coronation Street (or all four together) – you need to give yourself a break;
11. Take a break before the moon replaces the sun even the Sasquatch writer needs some fresh air now and then and don’t forget to let the cat back in! and,
12. Don’t have your email open and minimized because every time you get an email that little box will pop up on your screen – Sasquatch writers can be easily distracted. The world has been searching for you for centuries and survived without you – they can survive a few hours of uninterrupted writing.
And smile because you are fulfilling your dreams and goals where many like you just talk about it and never do it!
Here's to some gold medal Sasquatch Writing!
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